Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
