Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
