I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
