when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
