chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
