your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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