I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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