apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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