she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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