Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
