and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
