I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
