I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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