Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Randomize
