Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
