Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
