I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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