all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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