I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
