yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
