A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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