I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
