I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
