Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
