Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
