don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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