What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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