Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
