I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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