my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
