I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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