Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
