Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
tonight lets celebrate not being married
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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