Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
