It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
