Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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