I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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