super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
