I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
