I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
