I'm gonna have a badass scar
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
