There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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