If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
