next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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