Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
