how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
