About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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