told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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