What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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