the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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